Relationship Series: Letting Go


Part One:

Happily ever after…. Or not

There are many reasons why relationships become dysfunctional and just as many reasons why we choose to stay when a relationship isn’t growing any more. The ability to let go and release someone we may have once loved can be hampered by some pretty powerful letting go nowthings.

Many people stay in toxic relationships because their perception creates the illusion that there is no choice. So let’s explore some of the things that affect our perception and perceived freedom of choice.

Fear of the unknown

  • What will life be like without this person?  I know the quality of the discomfort that I am in, and I don’t trust I would be in less pain alone.  Fear inducing, no choice, therefore I must stay

Survival Fears

  • How will I ever support myself and keep myself safe and secure. When I imagine my future, the quality of my life is low.
  • Will I still have a place with my friendship group…will I still belong?  Fear inducing, no choice, therefore I must stay


  • ‘I am of value when I am in a relationship. I am not of value when I am not in a relationship’ Characterised by the thought pattern ‘I always wonder what’s wrong with someone who’s broken up? People will think there’s something wrong with me. Fear inducing, no choice, therefore I must stay.

Out dated messages and conditioning

  • Relationships last forever and have to be perfect.
  • I am a failure if this relationship ends.
  • I can’t let this happen to me because it happened to my parents and I’m nothing like them.
  • I am too old to start a new relationship.

Avoidance strategies

  • I’ll shut down my heart and truth and pretend everything is fine….. especially in public.
  • It may not be great npw but it will get better I see his/her potential


  •  I am damaged, therefore I must be the problem and if I can just fix myself surely  we’ll be alright.
  • Who else could love me?
  • I will be damaging my children by letting go

Childhood patterns

  • The ‘people pleaser’ and the ‘door mat’ who gain value from pleasing and not causing a fuss staying passive to change and letting go.
  • Staying in relationships because that’s what was modeled by an authority figure.


When these obstacle are addressed in a person, we have the opportunity to reconnect with our authentic self. To know that our truth is not governed by untruths (like the ones listed above) and that our choices are many.

The right time to let go will be different for everyone and it may or may not be the relationship in it’s entirety that is released, but aspects of ourselves that hold us back from truly connecting. When we align our senses and access the wisdom of our inner guidance, contemplation turns to clarity rather than confusion.


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