For a really long time I have cognitively understood the philosophy behind mirroring.
When we experience someone or something that triggers us it is a reflection of our own stuff being shown to us. This aspect of ourselves is awaiting healing and when we get to a point where we can stop blaming another for making us feel crap or treating us like crap all will be well.The triggers fall away and the contract is complete. But no matter how much I have tried I have always found resistance to this universal perception.
That is, until now.
Last night I read three incredibly powerful pages in one of my all time favorite books. Eastern body, Western Mind, written by Anodea Judith. The essential message of these pages was that in judging others we are actually repressing an aspect of ourselves by attempting to create separation. This repressed aspect is our shadow and when we can acknowledge it and integrate this aspect within ourselves we obtain wholeness again.
When we keep rejecting parts of ourselves, hiding them and demonising them the inner separation gets bigger and bigger and we continue to attract in those that embody our rejected aspect. Often invited in as bosses, mates, lovers, neighbors, even our children.
So what does this actually look like.
Your first indicator is judgement!
Who do you judge and what specific judgement you are making. I invite you to get real, get raw and get honest. State how you really feel without guilt. By naming it you’re on the way to healing it.
So today I wrote a list of people I have been triggered by and who I judged recently and what I found intrigued me.
These were the things I wrote
Self promotes, attention seeking, needs public validation and opinionated.
These words and the energy they hold are my unconscious attempt to negate the source of discomfort. When I feel into these words or behaviors I get real uncomfortable!
So I asked myself what is sooooo uncomfortable about self promotion, attention, being in the public eye and having an opinion. In asking this, you can see I consciously took the person out of it and focused on the behaviours. These give the clue about what aspects I have been repressing personally. All of these judgement relate to EXPRESSION.
By shining light on these shadow aspects and honoring them in myself I concluded this.
“I inspire awareness through creative expression”
For me this makes complete sense. I am a teacher and a Kinesiologist and I am always sharing a message whether it is with my clients, friends, family…….I just share. My life purpose is about expression and I have not been honouring this part of myself. So I have judged others for doing this….why because it has triggered discomfort. So I take action to share my message as it is and will be inspiration for others. In doing this the triggers start to fall away and integration begin to occurs.
The gift in this process is we step our of blame and into personal power. When we reclaim our energy and actively integrate, peace and harmony ensue.
I have a client that is a massive doer! She is busy, busy, busy and is completely frustrated by people she perceives as lazy. Sunday mornings are full of things to do and she can become impatient and frustrated when others want their Sunday to be relaxed and slow paced.
You can imagine what she might say “I can’t stand it, these guys just want to sit around and do nothing” “I’ve got a list as long as my arm and it’s the weekend and it’s my only chance to get stuff done”
Many of us might think this is normal…but it’s not. There is a part of her that needs integration. We know this because she is triggered, she’s in discomfort and she is judging. Three gifts that indicate something needs to change.
So who needs to change? She would say “All the lazy buggers I have to live with!” I say she does!
But what needs to change? She is a doer. So what is the polarity of a doer? Some one who is lazy…or who can relax. This is the part of herself that requires integration. Her ability to rest, restore and be present. To sit a read, write or relax. In acknowledging this and taking action consistently integration occurs and the triggers fall away.
Being triggered sucks, but it does give us insight into where we need to grow. Ultimately we are integrating the light and shadow aspects of ourselves.
I would love to hear from you about any insights you have had while reading this and how you work through this process.