I wonder then, how assertive are you?
When you are assertive you can make decisions quickly and easily. This is because you have awareness and respect for your own needs and the needs of those around you. Being assertive is being able to express yourself in respectful, dignified and peaceful way, where everyone, including youself feels seen, heard and felt.
Sadly many people feel uncomfortable being assertive, so they resort to more unresourceful ways of getting what they want. These alternatives “appear” to avoid conflict, but ultimately create relationships where individual needs and rights are not met.
If you are not being assertive, you are most likely being passive or aggressive or a combo of both. These ways of relating indicate a lost sense of self and overall feeling of disempowerment. People that are assertive, have a strong sense of self and are fully empowered. They make decisions that are fearless and backed by self-love.
If assertiveness is the ideal why is it so hard?
We are conditioned to be agreeable, to be the nice girl or boy and to not make a fuss. However, when our personal boundaries and individual needs and rights are not respected we have limited references points for dealing with these experiences in a safe and healthy way. So instead we shut down or we shout out. The decisions we make are fueled by adrenaline and cortisol and our brain goes into fight or flight mode preventing calm, creative thinking to occur. Then decision made out of fear.
Let’s get to know passivity and aggressiveness a bit more. We all go there we just need to know some of the reasons why we keep going back. To know this its important to know that both pain and pleasure is experienced from both.
The pleasure of passivity
- I’m never wrong.
- I’m never responsible.
- It’s not my fault.
- I go under the radar.
- No one will be angry with me
- I avoid exposing who I really am.
The pain of passivity
- I don’t know what I want.
- I don’t know what I like or don’t like.
- No one sees me, feels me or even listens to me.
- My dreams don’t come true
- I feel like a door mat.
- I am taken advantage of.
The pleasure of aggression
- I feel powerful
- I get what I want fast
- People are scared of me
- Everyone always agrees with me
The pain of aggression
- I feel disconnected
- People are not real with me.
- I feel alone
Turn inward and observe where you position yourself most of the time. It’s important to know, that how you relate in one area of your life may be different to another area. For example in business you may be assertive, in your love relationship passive and friendships passive aggressive. Simply observe yourself without harsh judgement and make a decision that change is needed. The first step to change is awareness, the second step is action.Clients come to me to support them in creating the internal shifts they need to be assertive. They change their inner world and this builds their assertiveness muscle. My clients know that they want more authentic relationships so together we begin to investigate the energetic imbalances that relate to the over energy (aggression) and under energy (passivity).
These can range from:
- Authority figures
- Past toxics relationships.
It’s amazing how quickly decision making improves when a client gets to know themselves and what they want out of this beautiful life. This new sense of self allows them to express themselves in a peaceful, calm and strong way.
Is it time you investigate why decisions are so hard to make? Is it time to transform how you relate to people in your life? Do you want to be an empowered communicator? Get in touch today and let’s get you comfortably asserting yourself.